the great wide open

That road trip in itself, never mind the amazing people I met during my short lived life in Cali, I hope I should never forget. The certain ways I might of written this trip down will not help me to remember the things I thought. I wrote this in ways that make this journal not so much mine,more for friends and loved ones to see, not for what I woulda liked to remember, I think that makes sense. These people and things I've seen I love, but only so often remember why, and I am overwelmed. WIsh I had a private journal and knew it all mattered. I wish I could be a piece of everything I've touched, rather than a forgetful stoner. Sometimes I wish I coulda not touched things I can't run back to. Maybe I wish I coulda touched everything different.

I came home for the Holidays, but I'm back now motherfuckers.

As shitty as the whole fuckin idea is, I had a great thanksgiven for shure. I was like a gaint tub of shit for like two days. My budy John got out of jail the day before which is pretty dope. I'll be home on the 19th of december you motherfuckers. Hope everyone ate and drank way to much...I'll be sayin you all soon.
Word.

Bums everywhere, puke splattered hollywood boullavard however the fuck you spell it is filthy. L.A. sucks, you know almost all of Calli sucks. THe west coast aside from O.B. sucks, and even this place you have to pick and choose. At least the east coast is honest for the most part. Anyway, Conflict was outta control, Naked Agression was off the hook, and me and Gregg well we slept in a parkin lot, across the highway from, The CHurch of Sceintology, Celebrity Center(the huge folescent sign had a palm tree, perfectly visable from highway, so weird). It sucked and I was freezin, so I borke into a church van and slept their. Leftover Crack plays in another two days, roght in O.B. nice. NO los Angeles, no busses, no parkin lots, word.

You Fuckin Yahoo.

Me and Gregg. Hit hollywood, get off the bus and riot. I'm so fuckin excited right the fuck now. Not to mention Leftover Crack on the 30th, huh. Glad I'm over my mood, just needed a few days off. I had been gettin high, smokin tweek and shit you know. Drinkin bloody mary's for breakfast. Get this shit, Rory and me sittin on the corner at the liquor store, about two a clock in the mournin not like 2 weeks ago. Some fuckin kid is like is their any other liquor stores, one that's open, whatever, totally picks for his budy who runs off with my beer. Mother fucker I ran like 6 or 7 blocks in one direction,then down to the beach and back to where I started, just to find these fuckin kids walkin across the street headin for the beach. Needless to say I got my beer back, bottled the shit out of kid with my beer and scared the shit out of the other 2. I was like a mad man, drinkin my one beer runnin around O.B. thinkin when I catch these mother fuckas, one of them is gettin bottled, pretty funny huh. What where they thinkin. Life is alright you know I'm just a fuckin rollercoaster.

Rory just left not fifteen minutes ago, he's flyin back to Boston. Kinda wish I was with him you know. I miss Boston so much, it's hard to be happy out here. Workin five days a week, gonna be six soon, just to pay some fuckin rent in an apartment that the shower don't even work, life's like a fuckin joke, tryin to be serious. It's not all so bad though, I'm just a little depressed, better than what I have to go home to, bein pretty much nothin. I'll be home for Christmass for shure, and as long as the fuckin coppers don't catch me, I'll be back in Calli in less than a week. What's livin. People I know dyin left and right, and everybody else for the most part straight stugglin. Word life.

That's why we get high, cuz you never know when your gonna go.

I really can hardly remember those last couple passages, shure thing they don't really make sense huh. I gotta slow down you know. Just spent a week in the hospital with a hand infection I aquired after punchin some kids teeth down his throat. 40 thousand dollar surgery and some Vikes is about all that was worth. My budy John is bein charged with assault and battery with a dealdy weapon, that bein me, he pulled me out of his back pocket like a fuckin slap jack. This sucks, I mean don't get me wrong, life is still great, the nurses loved me at the hospital, I got high as kite all week and left with few phone numbers, but shure as fuck, I need to slow down a bit. Hopefully my spellin has gottin a little better, and most of my words form at least legable english after lookin at those messy ass journal entries i left most recently. My poor mother hopefully hasn't been readin any of this, although she wouldn't be suprised I'm shure. Well smell ya later dudes. Ryan.

Current Mood: Just glad to be home.

John got arrested, I got my shit punched in, not to bad but on the sucker tip, for shure. Dude didn't get up after the fact, now I got's to shave my mohawk. six eye witnesses that seen dude get beat down while his friend ran away, not good dude. Their is no escape. O.B. is too small, and full of familair faces, snitches we'll see tomorrow, and they'll probly want to fight. Great, almost like home two months later.

Dude where's my band. G.G. lost all with "My name is Ryan, I piss in my Bed" the obivous. Everything else is lost, bitr fuck you know. i THINK i FEEL A breeze, you night just now feel, think about December bitch, fuck you...

Bubbs, West Coast, brawlin on the beach, Boston, Mault liquer, one in the same plus a beach. Word. Bomb fires, bitches, tweekers and drunks, Home. That about it. Ebonics, and drunk alogs, dawg.

Mike huntAND HIS HOMEY who just hitch hiked over here, are streaight kickin it, I'm stoked dude. This guy John fixed our sink and everything, wicked townie buy the way.
The Beans at the front door fukin it. Laters.

Ashley came to O.B. today for a total of like 6 hours, I think half just to rip both of our peice of minds in like the 28th hour of my wakin. I fuckin shure do love the girl, allways will for shure. Hopefully I will be in San Fran come monday, so that we can actually kick it a little. Hope all is well. peice.

Not one night this week have I not watched the sun come up, no drugs, just drinkin that's great.. Kinda know I'm doin better now, that's great too. Love you'll.

Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: Greggory noise installment

Picture a fuck load of irish immigrants all from Dublin, beatin them selves in the heads with fryin pans, piercin themselves with thier girfrineds earings, wrestlinl, and throwin beers over everyone. How about pissin themselves in public, shootin milk out their ears, or Keg Parties on the beach, it's all one in the same, I hope they never go home. They're are all my friends, never mind the fact that me passed out on people's front stoop, equals new crew, D.S.P, "Dirty Steet People"as home phone discrition,life is perfect and nothin less.

Current Mood: drunk

This song sense San Diago, allway's bein one of my favorite songs, just took a whole new meanin, I'll be back for Christmass I hope, but I couldn't stay for shure.
The Legbreaka.

I don't think I've ever been this happy, or even close. Too be perfectly honest even when Boston was at it's best, I was def. still miserable. Now I'm on the other side of the country, my silly ass, gettin drunk all dam day like back home, but I've put some of the pieces together for the first time in my life. Thank you Kymm, oh ya, by the way, Kymm, Ro Dawg and Josh are back tryin to figure shit out for a while and Magdalena just showed up, are you kidden, cuz I'm stoked. Anyway thanks for readin my gay ass shit, and I love all you'll. Probly see you in December, at least for a couple days, Gregg and me, plus Rory if he gets his shit together. But until then or when ever you come see me, peace.

Final Destination. Ocean Beach. The kids just left me and Rory yesterday, and Greg Ha is still the fuckin man. I landed a job in a pizza place on the main stip within four days of bein here, and we for shure got like ten of the most down ass kids on our team already. Alright, check the steaz out here, it's about 1 a.m. and me Greg and rory are just kickin on the beach next to a bomb fire and these four irish mic's, three of whick happen to be girls ask me if it's cool if they can bring there keg to my fire. I'm just like yo man this isn't even my fire and fuckin hell ya, that's has to be one of the stupidist questions someone's ever asked me and you know what, it's just like that, so all you motherfuckers outta just start packin, peace.

Current Mood: accomplished

Dude, I'm goin on the Greatfull Dead tour dude. I'm like rockin out with all these dead heads, and chillin with shit loads of hippies in the woods dude, it's like totally cool dude. Kinda just kidden, not really though.
Fuck all yall mothafucs *rory*
Ya so like hella tight bro, I'm hangin ten on the surf side.
Peace.